So many of us experience the stress and pressure to be perfect. At first the desire to please our parents and siblings is a serious motivator, wanting to be told that we're 'good' often influencing our behaviour and choices. Even at nursery, children often experience stress, being eager to fit in, do well and be accepted by other children, approved of by teachers.
Everything from our taste in music, the way we look and dress, through to our academic accomplishments can feel subject to scrutiny - either from ourselves, or others, or both. Even a loving, supportive environment can trigger stress, caused by the need to be perfect, where we are loathe to be a disappointment.
This need to be perfect mindset can remain with us and cause ongoing stress, impacting on everything we do. But being perfect is neither achievable or desirable. Being good is often fine, whilst giving us something more to aspire to.
How can we let go of the need to be perfect?
- In childhood children can feel that they need to justify their parents' efforts, struggles and investment in them. Sometimes parents live vicariously through their children. They want them to have the opportunities they didn't have, achieve the heights they missed out on. But their dreams may cause stress and anxiety and not sit well with their child's, or two children may be very different in temperament and ability.
Avoid 'naming' your child the handsome, intelligent or clumsy one and reassure them that each is unique and special. Having to repeat a year at school, considering an apprenticeship, choosing a career option that doesn't include university are all valid ways to lead happy, fulfilling lives.
- Accept that our critics and judges are only human too. How often do we see someone undertake something 'tough' with comparative ease and yet struggle with something we would find straightforward? We all have different skill sets, talents and abilities. Celebrating those variations releases stress and gives permission for each of us to do well in our own way.
- Appreciate that others may present a great-looking persona whilst struggling with their own issues. Think of those photos on social media where 'everyone' is having 'the very best night of their lives'. Social media, with its temporary self-deleting images, creates a sense of urgency and the need to constantly check what's happening. Fear of missing out causes lots of stress.
Yet many times we'll have been part of an event, participated in the photos and live-streaming and found it a pleasant enough time, but not out of the ordinary. Once the photo or recording was over and the perfect illusion created everything went back to 'normal'.
- Have you ever been relieved to see someone regarded as perfect, an expert in their field make a mistake or slip up slightly? Watching as they occasionally stammered, forgot their words, apologised for an error or for not knowing something meant we relaxed and felt better about ourselves. It's not about gloating over another's imperfections or fallibility, but rather about easing the pressure we put ourselves under, reassured to discover no one's perfect.
- Have rules. Turn off your technology, especially your social media at certain times in the evening. Try to limit your time online to specific periods each day. Step back and remember that many people use social media to promote themselves, project a specific image or convey a point of view. It has a role, but it isn't real life.
- Meet people face to face and have conversations where you invest time and interest in those relationships. When you talk together you'll find that others share the same thoughts, feelings, insecurities that you do. It helps release the stress and pressure you may be subjecting yourself to.
- Appreciate the role of failure. Repeating a year of education, having something not work out as you'd hoped can turn out to be a valuable learning opportunity in the long-term. It may open unexpected new doors where you meet new people, establish great relationships and revise your plans.
- Get outside. Go for walks, play games, enjoy fresh air, exercise and time with others. Exercise is a great way to manage stress and have some me time.
- Avoid referencing people by how they look, their size or capabilities. Quirky dressing, individual approaches to life and excellence often incorporate skills sets different from our own. We may even seek to utilise their idiosyncratic approach on occasion. Appreciate the variations in your own social circle and refrain from being judgmental.
- It can be easy to mock what we don't understand or feel comfortable with. We may metaphorically 'hold the bully's coat' and so excuse ourselves by saying we're not joining in. Relax and make space for those different outlooks and viewpoints. There's room for all.
Take time to reflect on your early years when you were your own worst critic, desperate to be perfect. Now you look at those old photographs or school reports with affection and wish you could reassure the younger you that there's no need to stress about it, everything turned out fine.
Susan Leigh, Altrincham, Cheshire, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support.
She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.
To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Susan_Leigh/399535
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